The "Scientific" Case Against Coriander
Prepare to have your perceptions shattered by these totally real and not-at-all-fabricated research findings. The truth about coriander is more horrifying than you can imagine (or we could make up).
The 'Soap Gene' Deception: A Deep Dive
Our 'leading scientists' have 'discovered' that coriander doesn't just taste like soap to some; it actively reprograms your taste buds to perceive despair in every bite. The mechanism involves quantum entanglement with distant dish soap molecules.
Coriander & Spontaneous Discombobulation Syndrome (SDS)
A controversial paper links high coriander intake to SDS, a condition characterized by suddenly forgetting why you walked into a room, or why you ever thought putting coriander in guacamole was a good idea. Correlation definitely implies causation here.
Historical 'Evidence': Coriander's Role in Minor Annoyances
Ancient texts, when creatively misinterpreted, suggest coriander was responsible for everything from slightly off-key bard performances to the Great Library of Alexandria's overdue book fines. The evidence is... suggestive.
The Cilantro Conspiracy: Are We All Just Pawns?
Unverified sources claim that coriander contains microscopic mind-control agents, subtly influencing global events. This explains why it's so pervasive despite widespread (alleged) dislike. Or maybe people just like it. But probably mind control.
Disclaimer: The "research" presented on this page is purely for entertainment and satirical purposes. No actual scientific studies were harmed (or consulted) in the making of this content.